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Subject: alt.folklore.urban Frequently Asked Questions [Part 4 of 5]
This article was archived around: 7 Feb 1997 06:58:59 GMT
6 February 1997
This is part four of the five part Frequently Asked Questions
list for alt.folklore.urban. This section continues a list
of various urban legends and related topics for this newsgroup.
If the story you are considering posting to AFU falls under
one of those discussed below, reconsider the posting or at
least ask about it intelligently. Chances are, if it's on
this list, it's been discussed to death. If you still want
to post it as is, youse takes youse chances.
PART FOUR: Categories of Frequently Posted Legends (continued):
- Kill Your Television!
- Astonishing Antipodean Antics
- Lewd Food
- Snuff Movies
- Upstanding Legends of the Penis and Scrotum
- Hide the Salami
- Disney Dementia (and other amusement park legends)
- Question Authority!
- Legal Beagles
- Wild Life in the Fast Lane
- Legends About Natatory Capabilities of Large Anthropoid Primates
- Astounding Avian Anomalies
- Doggie-Style and Cattie-Wumpus
- Other Animal Crackers
- Arthropod Crackers
Key to Listed FAQs:
T = 100% scientific truth
Tb = believed true, but not conclusively proven
F = 100% falsehood
Ft = A legend, mostly untrue, but with a true occurrence or
Fb = believed false, but not conclusively proven
U = unanswered and may be unanswerable
P = Maybe it didn't happen, but it's scientifically possible
(used extremely sparingly, where the opposite is expected,
as it could apply to just about every legend)
There is a comment, "*", on certain lines in the FAQ. This indicates
that there is further information on this point available via anonymous
ftp. See the AFU anonymous ftp sites noted in Part I of the FAQ for
KILL YOUR TELEVISION!
F. "Newlywed Game" husband televised response that the strangest place they
made love was "That'd be the butt, Bob."
T.*...Brian Gordon posted Bob Eubanks interview where Bob offers $10K for proof.
T. ...David Fillipi posted similar account heard on Boston area radio (WBCN).
T. Many people claim to have seen it. Bill McCauley claimed to have a tape
...but never panned out.
T. ...Robert Huss claims to have seen it but says the common quote is "wrong."
T. ...Chris Johns claims to have seen Chuck Barris say it was true on CNBC.
F.*The UK cartoon series "Cpt. Pugwash" had character names w/double entendres.
T.*..._The Guardian_ wrote this up in September 1991. They were successfuly
...sued and issued an apology/retraction in November 1991.
T. Ian Palmer posted a .wav file he says is from an episode called "Fair
...Exchange" supposedly available on a BBC Video called "Captain Pugwash,
...Seafairing Tales" where the Cpt. is supposed to have said "I certainly
...did Master Bate." Interestingly, this differs from the traditional UL
...where the name is often referred to as "Master Bates."
T. Many people claim to have seen and heard these too. What a coincidence!
T. ...Gif of the Captain available at cathouse.org.
T.*Woman has epileptic seizures upon hearing Mary Hart's [ET anchor] voice.
Tb.Parents get a video for children. Find it was recorded over old porn tape!
T. CA assembly considering a law to ban the splicing of porn onto rented tapes.
F. Johnny Carson said he'd pet Zsa Zsa's pussy if she'd move her cat.
F. Johnny Carson said to Jack Nicklaus' wife that her kissing his balls before
a golf game must "make his putter flutter." (Also told of Arnold Palmer.)
T.*...Bo Bradham saw A. Palmer deny it on the _Tonight Show_ on 11 Oct 94.
F. Johnny Carson once gave out his AT&T card number for free calls since he
...won a big legal settlement. [Also told of Steve McQueen/Paul Newman/
...Sammy Davis,Jr. (not lately though)/Robert Redford/Burt Reynolds.]
F. David Letterman tells audience to say "Hi" to Paul Shaffer 'cause his
contract says his butt can't be shown on TV.
[Above four from "Talk Show Tales - 'Dave's Behind' in CBA]
F.*Kid tells Bozo the Clown to "shove it"/etc. after kid drops egg in game.
F.*Bozo interviews kids on show. One kid says "Cram it, clown!" Is removed.
F.*Some kid's talk show host says "That ought to shut the little bastards up!"
on live TV/radio. [Above three from 'Bozo the Clown's Blooper' in TMP]
T. Yes, yes, we've heard of Uncle Don and Kermit Schaeffer. Bogus.
F.*Soupy Sales was canned for telling kids to send him pieces of paper with
pictures of dead presidents from their parents' dresser drawers on his show.
T.*...He was suspended for a week.
F. Jan or Cindy Brady actress was a porn star. See alt.sex.movies FAQ.
F. Some muppet on Sesame Street is going to be snuffed.
F.*Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie are "gay."
[The alt.drugs FAQ list has lots of interesting info.]
F.*"Blue star" or cartoon character (esp. Mickey Mouse) tattoos laced with LSD
is sold at schools <Important!> to hook kids on acid.
T.*This UL is frequently spread via poorly typed/copied fliers.
T.*LSD has been sold on blotter paper with cartoon characters.
["Blue Star Acid" in CBA and "Mickey Mouse Acid" in TCD. See also Dave
Gross's definitive periodic posting.]
Fb.Person high on drugs (esp. acid) stares at sun -- gets partial blindness.
T. Check in Medline in Dec 1992 and Oct 94 shows no such case reported.
F. Aspirin and Coca-Cola taken together get you high. (Nope.May cause insomnia)
U. More than 4 hits of acid in one month renders you legally insane.
F. Tobacco cos. prepared to market/mfg joints if pot was legalized in '60s/'70s
T. You can beat any drug test (in a Zen way) by not taking the test.
U. Guy on pot pulled over by police. Asked if he knew his speed. Was 5 mph!
F. LSD accumulates in the brain and spinal column and shows up on x-rays.
Fb.McDonald's coffee stirrers changed; they were used by cocaine sniffers.
["Mickey Mouse Acid" in TCD]
F.*Banana peels and peanut shells contain hallucinogenic substances.
F.*"Street" acid (LSD) is frequently cut with strychnine.
ASTONISHING ANTIPODEAN ANTICS
F. Some part of Australia is antipodal to some part of N. America or Europe.
T. Cane toads are now a plague, originally imported to eat cane beetles.
F. Koalas are always stoned/drunk, as they eat alcohol in eucalyptus leaves.
Fb.Koalas, being filled with eucalyptus oil, "explode" in bushfires. [Rats!]
F. Kangaroos deliver the mail in the outback.
U. "Goanna Oil" dissolves muscle protein. Goannas are large native lizards.
U. Driver fools tourists in Milford tunnel bus,says motorbike is oncoming train
U. Dingos eat babies. Australian courts say YES, NO, YES.
Fb.Aussies put vegemite under eyelids to get high. Yum!
T. Some New Zealanders do not think very highly of Australians.
T. There sure are lots of stories about Vegemite. [Why not Marmite?]
F. Rights to "Waltzing Matilda" are owned by an American, hence not anthem.
T. "Chooks" taste like chicken.
T. Tasmanian devils are not extinct. Whoopee.
T. There're kosher Chinese restaurants in and around big East Coast US cities.
T. Most mass-market beers contain "foaming agents" to make them form a head.
U. Eating lots of chicken fast food causes males to grow breasts (from hormones
T. Eggs and chicken are horribly contaminated, and should NOT be eaten raw.
T. Unless marked "dairy", fast food shakes aren't milk: mostly carrageen gel.
T. Lead leaches from lead crystal decanters into drinks; is not good for you.
F. Eating carrots may improve night vision, because of large amounts of Vit A.
Tb.Microwaved food is better (other cooking allegedly creates carcinogens)
Tb.Eating celery takes more energy than its digestion yields.
U. Mick Jagger used a Mars bar as a dildo on nubile pop loon Marianne Faithful.
T. Kim Scheinberg posted MF's denial from autobiography,but she would say that.
F,T,T,U.Fast food places use unusual ingredients: worm, 'roo meat, seaweed,
rat. ["'The Kentucky Fried Rat' and Other Nasties" in TVH]
F. Stranger at restaurant eats your cookies, you grab, later find you took his.
There are several variations on the same motif, differing by location.
["The Packet of Biscuits" in TCD. Douglas Adams claims this really happened
to him. Also a variant w/Kit Kat bars.]
F.*Cook cheated into buying Mrs Fields' recipe, gets revenge by spreading it.
["The Mrs. Fields Cookie Recipe" in CBA. This is probably a descendant of
the "Red Velvet Cake" UL in TVH. Another version involves Nieman-Marcus
and many other noted retail establishments.]
T. Over cookies in San Francisco, a so-called Debbi Fields told Nancy Gill
that this story was bogus (14 June 1996).
F. Green M&M's (also "Smarties" in UK and Canada) are an aphrodisiac.
F. Red M&M's are a carcinogen (Nope, they used red dye #5,not dangerous #2)
[Both M&M legends are in "Green M&Ms" in TMP]
T.*Check out the M&M FAQ!
F. Ingesting a tapeworm will help you slim, so people do this regularly
["'Bosom Serpent' Legends" in TCD.]
T. Many CIA (and other gov't) snackbars are staffed by blind people.
F. They're hired to help maintain secrecy.
F. Grape seeds can get caught in your appendix and give you appendicitis.
T. Steven Bellovin thinks diverticulitis may be source of this UL.
T. British army doses water with bromide (for purification), soldiers say it's.
U. ...to suppress soldiers' libidos. US Army salts their peters with saltpeter.
Fb.Kennedy family made their pile thru a Scotch import monopoly
Tb.Kennedy family made their pile thru smuggling Scotch during prohibition.
F.*The red leaves of Poinsettias (aka the Xmas Plant) are deadly poisonous.
["The Poinsettia Myth" in TMP.]
T.*Poinsettia sap and leaves are irritants and may harm small children.
T. People have been poisoned by eating food cooked on burning oleander branches
Tb*Asparagus stinks up pee, but ability to smell it is genetically inherited.
T. Fresh seeds from plants of rose family react to form cyanide in the body.
T. Lots of Asian restaurants have humorous names to English speakers.
Fb.Restaurant mints are pissy because patrons don't wash after going to the loo.
F. Mikey (Life cereal) exploded from eating Pop Rocks with soda (You wish!)
["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD]
F.*A popular Mexican beer (esp. Corona) was made with urine.
F.*Snapple either supports Operations Rescue/KKK and/or the ship on the
label is a slave ship.
T. In November 1994, Snapple was acquired by Quaker Oats Corp. Tell it to them.
F.*Tropical Fantasy soft drink causes sterility in black men.
T. Some people like to eat the placenta (aka afterbirth) of their children.
F. Shampoos and foreign beauty aids are made from aborted babies.
["The Secret Ingredient" in TMP]
F. Couple travels to exotic locale with pet dog. Eatery prepares it for them.
["Food and Restaurant Rumors and Legends"/"Unfortunate Pet Legends", TCD]
F. Ethnic eateries (Chinese/E. Indian/Italian) use cat/dog/human meat instead
of expected meat.["The Eaten Pets"/"Further Ethnic Stereotype Legends,"TMP]
F. Cantaloupes are infected with salmonella and are thus bad to eat.
F. Snake hidden in imported fruit (bananas, pineapple, etc.) bites/kills some-
one. ["The Snake in the Greens" in TBT]
T.*Woman removes label from "tuna" can, finds cat food label underneath.
T.*The cat food actually was tuna canned 6 years earlier in Canada, declared
unfit for human consumption, allowed to be exported as pet food, and then
illegally relabeled as tuna again. (Toronto Star, March 24, 1992)
Fb.In pre-revolutionary Paris, peasants resold food from restaurant garbage.
T. Vegemite (and Marmite) is made from yeast by-products, salt, and other stuff
Fb.Cannibalism was a common means of sustenance for past cultures.
F. "Instant" ramen noodles are coated w/wax and can cause intestinal blockage.
Fb.Drinking alcoholic beverages through a straw makes one drunker faster.
Tb.Carbonation in whisky and soda makes one drunk faster than a straight whisky
F. Marco Polo brought pasta back to Italy from the Chinese.
T. Spinach has no more iron than other vegetables; UL due to misplaced decimal.
F.*People eat chocolate because it gives them the same feeling as being in love
F. Chocolate makes people horny.
T. Some McDonald's do give free soft drink refills. There may not be signs tho.
F. Peeling labels off a beer bottle means you're: a) a virgin, b) gonna get
lucky, c) sexually frustrated.
F. Eating hot bread is bad for you (alcohol, stomach upset, etc.)
Tb.Don't use fresh/frozen pineapple, Kiwi fruit, or maggots to make Jell-O.
Tb.Certain Eng. documentaries notwithstanding, spaghetti doesn't grow on trees.
T. Some English beers contain fish guts.
Fb.The "Baby Ruth" candy bar was named for George "Babe" Ruth. Duh.
Fb....It was really named for US president Grover Cleveland's oldest daughter.
T.*...Check out snopes' and other info at www.urbanlegends.com
F. "Bubble Yum" bubble gum is manufactured with spiders' eggs.
["The Kentucky Fried Rat" in TVH.]
T. There sure are lots of stories of food service people jacking off into food.
...e.g., doughnut dough, pizzas, curry, etc.
T. ...Most, if not all, are false though.
T.*If you want to know what the "33" on Rolling Rock beer means. Read the
_Straight Dope_ books mentioned at the end of the FAQ list or TAFKC.
F. Eating ice will strip the enamel off your teeth or is somehow "bad" for you.
T. Some people were buying large quantities of baby formula in the US because
it was cheaper than in nearby large metropolitan areas.
T. Yes, we've heard the untrue story about a woman, a dog, and peanut butter.
F.*Putting a spoon in a bottle of champagne will help keep it from going flat.
...See also http://rulgm4.LeidenUniv.nl/preprints/spoon/spoon.html.
F.*There was nothing accidental about the development of Coca-cola. If you
give a fizz, call Barbara Hamel.
T. There were many news reports of a man who bit into a taco and found a frog
at an El Torito restaurant in 11/95. But it sounds like frogshit to me.
F. People in Hong Kong/China/Africa/Malaya/etc. eat brains from live monkeys.
Tb.The Feds, cops, CIA, etc. have never actually found a real snuff film.
T. Scotland Yard has found no evidence of snuff films in the last 20 years.
F. "Snuff films" actually exist (Nope, tho' there are various wannabe fakes)
T. Some psychotics have taped the murder of their victims.
T. Search in WestLaw in 1991 showed no mention of cases on "snuff films".
F.*"Faces of Death" is a snuff film. [See Larry Doering plot summary.]
F. "Snuff" was the name of a real snuff film.
T. We never saw a snuff film that we didn't like.
T. Dean Lambey in California was arrested in 1989 by an undercover officer
and tried and convicted while planning to make a snuff film. Conviction
was upheld by a federal appeals court in 1992 in Richmond, VA.
F. There were at least two different endings to "Old Yeller".
By definition, a snuff film is one in which the film is the *purpose* of
(rather than incidental to) the murder and with some intent of commercial
distribution (i.e. if they ran out of film, the murder would be postponed
until someone could run down to the 7-11 & get more). Paul Lanning, the
FBI's chief researcher into child pornography was quoted by _The Times_
"In 20 years I have not seen any hard evidence that they have
commercially produced sexually explicit films of murders for the
gratification of other people. Simulated snuff movies using
special effects are so realistic there is no point in risking life
Note to the new reader: please don't send or post e-mail saying "snuff movies
*could* exist, because people are naughty enough" - this is not in dispute;
the point is that no examples have yet come to light. Until someone shows
evidence of their existence, snuff films are in the same category as UFO's,
the Loch Ness monster, and Bruce Willis's hair -- i.e. "believed false."
UPSTANDING LEGENDS OF THE PENIS AND SCROTUM
See also http://www.best.com/~snopes/sex/sex.htm
F. Model's dick showed in a Sears catalog ad for shorts (it was drawstring!)
T. But it looked a little like the model's wiener, and folks thought it was.
T. Nelson Rockefeller died of cardiac arrest while porking the help.
U. Errol Flynn banged out "Star-spangled Banner" on xylophone with his big dong
F. Gangster John Dillinger's long wang is pickled in a jar at/near Smithsonian.
F. In Nigeria, roving gangs of thieves may surreptitiously steal mens' dorks.
T. Groupies took plaster casts of pop singers' schlongs, inc Hendrix's whacker.
Tb.Adolf Hitler only had one testicle. Immortalized in many a kid's rhyme.
T. If you have to ask about Hitler's or Goebbels' balls, try using your
brain instead of repeating that stupid song.
T. There sure are lots of stories about LBJ and his peter.
T. Masturbator's penis in hose chopped by fan blade of Hoover Dustette cleaner.
T. This is dubbed the legend of "the Cleaner and the Leaner Wiener".
U. Woman slits guy's scrotum, sticks straw in, and blows; he gets off on it...
F. Child in mall goes to toilet; is abducted; has willie cut off. [TCD]
F. Drunk joyriding on hood of car, loses parts to hood ornament at sudden stop.
F. Wife seduces cheating husband then superglues his plonker while he sleeps.
["The Superglue Revenge" in TCD]
T. Guy hurts self after sex w/machine drive belt, has self surgery w/stapler.
Fb.Health worker in US/Africa demos condom usage to immigrants/natives w/a
broom/finger. Woman returns pregnant. She had used EXACTLY as taught.
U. Napoleon's wanker was cut off at autopsy and was recently auctioned off.
F. Number of stars on _Playboy_ cover is # of times Hef banged the centerfold.
T. ...It's a distribution code.
T. Public boners are banned in Indiana.
T. Couple on UK train had oral sex, then sex, then smoked in non-smoking area,
F. ...nobody complained until they started smoking;
T. ...train crew ignored complaints until couple started smoking.
F. Young man is at dinner party w/future in-laws. His fiance says his zipper
...is unzipped. He attempts to distract them by pointing out the window
...and calling out "Look at that!" Where 2 dogs are doing the nasty, or
...he slyly zips up his fly, but when he gets up, drags the table cloth off
...'cause he trapped the cloth in his fly! ["Nudes and More Nudes" in TVH]
F. Woman reports to emergency room and sez diaphram is stuck. Drs. remove it
to find it's covered with grape jelly. Directions said to "...use w/jelly."
HIDE THE SALAMI
U. Cuckolded husband replaces contents of wife's pessaries with lye.
T. Mad doctor in Ohio cut off womens' clitoral hoods while operating on them.
T.*People put assorted objects up their asses, get stuck, removed in hospital.
F.*Well-known film/TV personality (Richard Gere, various news broadcasters, et
al.) put a gerbil up his ass for "wriggly furry fun" ["The Colo-Rectal
Mouse" in TMP. Related entries in LEGAL BEAGLES] See
T. ...I. York found an unsubstantiated reference in a 1986 book by Dr. Caleel.
T.*Search of Medline in December 1993 using key words "anus, rectum, rodent,
gerbil" showed no such incident ever found. Lots of other stuff though.
F. Well-known male pop star rushed from concert, stomach pumped free of semen.
[Said of Elton John, Rod Stewart, David Lee Roth, and Marc Almond.]
F. Spanish fly (Cantharides) is aphrodisiac (actually genital tract irritant).
F. Girl slipped spanish fly at drive-in movie; found impaled on gear shift.
["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" in TCD]
F. Woman tied naked to bed, man in superhero costume with broken leg in closet.
T. Var: guy is seduced by woman, tied to bed, and sodomized by "superhero."
T. ...Similar motif in Stephen King's novel _Gerald's Game_.
Fb.Hetero couple get stuck together while coupling. Separated at hospital.
["The Stuck Couple" in TCD]
F. One night stand, partner leaves early, other partner finds msg "Welcome to
the world of AIDS". ["AIDS Mary" in CBA]
Fb.Female gang initiation ceremony is to screw an HIV+ male member.
F. Student is regularly nocturnally chloroformed by roommate, for sodomy.
Tb....This may have actually happened in the Dutch army. Those officers!
F. `Baghdad Betty' told US army that Bart Simpson was sleeping with their wives
Tb.Would-be rapist steals kisses; one Calif victim bit a piece off his tongue.
F. Man fills wife's lover's convertible with concrete.
["The Solid Cement Cadillac" in TVH]
T.*Woman's womb filled with air during cunnilingus; she dies due to embolism.
F. Woman impregnated while swimming, due to sperm loose in pool.
F. Woman impregnated when hit by bullet that shot Civil War soldier's testicles
["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" in TCD]
Tb.Unintentional virgin birth happens occasionally in bizarre circumstances.
Tb.E.g. vagina-less woman,fellates lover, stabbed in gut by boyfriend,pregnant!
F. Silicone breasts expand under low pressure (eg. airline stewardesses on job)
U. Mother threatens to discipline kid; kid threatens to squeal on mom's
F. Husband informed that septic tank/toilet blockage due to too many condoms;
but he doesn't use them; confronts wife, she confesses affair w/milkman.
He waits and shoots milkman next day; but it was a substitute milkman!
["The Evidence" in TMP]
F. Couple goes to "love" hotel w/hot tub, mirrors, etc. Make the sign of the
eight legged aardvark. Upon return, call up an X-movie and see themselves!
["Sex Scandals" in TCD]
F. A guy picks up a girl at a party. But is unable to "perform" so asks a
friend at the party to finish it for him. His friend does so and in the
morning, finds that he slept with his sister! Similar motif happens in a
halloween or other costumed ball setting. [This and related ULs relating
to mistaken identities are discussed in "Mistaken Identity" in CBA.]
F. There was a significant increase in NYC births about 9 months after
1965 Blackout. ["The Baby Train" in TBT.]
Tb.A town in Oregon banned all sex.
Tb.Rimming (oral/anal contact) is legal in Utah.
F. Catherine the Great died while trying to do something with a horse.
F. For some reason, a woman is doing the laundry in the nude. She puts on her
son's football helmet, and is surprised by plumber/gas man who says some-
thing like "I hope your team wins, lady." ["Nudes and More Nudes" in TVH]
F. Some subdenomination of Jews have sex through a sheet. (See soc.culture.
DISNEY DEMENTIA [AND OTHER AMUSEMENT PARK STORIES]
See especially http://www.best.com/~snopes/disney/disney.htm
T. Disney parks are riddled with secret tunnels and surveillance equipment.
T.*"Little Mermaid" video cover features good drawing of penis. Prank? Revenge?
T. There is a basketball hoop at the top of the Matterhorn replica.
T. Male Disneyites may not grow beards (& many other petty rules for women too)
[Applies only to "On Stage" cast members.]
T. There is a "secret" "Club 33" serving hard liquor, in New Orleans Square,
T. Clerics in their robes are admitted to Disneyland at concessionary rates.
T. Wheelchairs & 1 attendant go to the front of the line for rides.
Tb.Disney ripped off Orlando county, thru grabbing Federal road funds
T. Woman alleges breast-fondling by 1/3 of 3 Little Pigs; case thrown out.
F. Three little pigs clit-tickled law-suit happy babe, with non-mobile arms.
F. Child disappears from Disneyland, found with new haircut, dyed by abductor.
T. SF writer Harlan Ellison fired from Dismall Studios after Mickey porn joke.
T. Harlan Ellison was ticked to hell at snopes.
T. Lots of people don't know who H. Ellison is. Lots more don't care.
F.*Old Walt Disney's dead body was frozen for later revivification.
F. Child goes for ride on popular ride; feels bites; dies from snake bites!
F. Water in "Tunnel of Love" ride infested with snakes. [Both in "Death in
the Funhouse" in _CBA_.Stephanie da Silva says this really happened to her.]
T. Disney caused people to believe that Lemmings suicide in march to sea.
T.*See http://cathouse.org/CathousePeople/snopes/disney/disney.htm for it all.
QUESTION AUTHORITY (AND OTHER CONSPIRACIES)
U. CIA fixed the Anarchist's Cookbook, so explosive blows up as you make it.
T. You may *own* the mailbox, but US Postal Service controls what goes in it.
T. The CIA, NSA and 11 different secret govt organizations tap & bug everything
T. Princess Anne was only female competitor not given sex test in 1976 Olympics
F.*Guy/gal wakes up in Big City, a kidney has been stolen from him!
["The Kidney Heist" in TBT.]
T.*...Common variation now is Americans/Europeans/et al. stealing children
from some poor (e.g., Guatamela) country for their organs.
T.*There are many other interesting (though non-UL) issues relating to organs.
Fb.Hubbard started Scientology after Heinlein bet he couldn't found a religion.
Bill Van Horne actually posted some useful stuff that I used to change this.
T. alt.religion.scientology FAQ sez "F," but I haven't been converted yet.
F. P&G's logo reflects Satanic or Moonie ties.
F. P&G's "president" appeared on "Donahue" to affirm same.
["The Procter & Gamble Trademark" in TCD]
F. On "Oprah" designer Liz Claiborne said her clothes were not designed for
black women because their "hips were too big".
F. On "Oprah" designer Liz Claiborne said she supports the KKK.
Tb.Candy manufacturers sneakily micro-reduce size of product to gyp you.
F. Universal Product Codes (computer readable bar-codes) are marks of Satan.
P. VP Bush persuaded Iranians to delay hostage release to aid Reagan election.
U. Govt has secret plan to replace the currency overnight to foil drug barons.
Tb.CIA radio transmits spoken five digit code numbers to operatives worldwide
T. You can send a coconut thru the mail without any further wrapping. Yowser!
F. Sticking one of those "Postage Paid" reply cards on a heavy object (e.g.,
a brick) will cost the addressee the postage. [Nope, USPS tosses it.]
T. Some change-making machines can be fooled by photocopies of currency.
T. NSA leaned on NIST to propose less secure digital signature standard than
T. After a public outcry, NIST allowed a longer key (up to 1024 bits) which
made it into the digital signature standard FIPS-186
Tb. The reason DSA was used for digital signatures rather than the more proven
RSA algorithm was that NSA opposes easy public access to an algorithm
that can also be used for general encryption. (RSA can/DSA can't).
F. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Entenmann's bakery
F. Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns Waldenbooks.
Tb.Unification Church (i.e. Moonies) owns a fish processing plant in
U. Those guys selling roses on roads are connected with the Moonies.
T. Entenmann's owned by General Foods, Philip Morris bought, merged w/ Kraft.
F.*Ship captains, on their own authority, can perform marriages.
F. Govt cabbage price memo lots longer than var. patriotic/religious documents.
["The Price of Cabbage Memo" under "Government Legends" in TCD.]
F. Govt regularly burns WWII-era hemp fields. Only high officials know where.
F. If you are the first to read this and send me e-mail, you will receive $10.
Fb.Class requests satellite imaging photo; US says "no";(then) USSR says "yes".
F. Compensation paid to kin of Salem witches up to 1957 (per _The Economist_).
F. Alleged witches were burned at the stake in the US during the Salem trials.
T. Alleged witches were hanged or pressed to death.
T. Mass. recanted the Salem trials and freed the witches within a few years
T. Name of last alleged witch was cleared in 1957.
Tb.Whole business is extraordinarily similar to modern accusations of Satanism.
T. ...For some leads on satanic ritual abuse, see:
T. Crop circles (at least in the UK) have been shown to be man-made.
T.*Mapmakers place copyright traps in maps (e.g., Rand-McNally, no. Thomas
U. Several noted movies have "death curses" on them.
Fb.Major firms/gov't suppress evidence of a super great product(car,light,etc.)
["The Economical Car" in TVH and CBA]
T. The USA did have a 49 star flag.
F. Some 1963 $1 bills have a 'K' for JFK, 11 for month of death to commemorate
JFK. ["The Kennedy Note" in TMP]
T. Channel 1 for TV existed in the US, but was eliminated by the FCC in 1945.
U. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
F. An undercover cop must answer yes to "Are you a cop?" to avoid entrapment.
Fb.Guy dodges draft by eating peanut butter/hotdog from rectum in front of MD.
F. There was once a female Pope in the Roman Catholic Church.
F.*Noted atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair is petitioning the FCC to ban religious
F.*U.S. Patent Office head once said that it be closed because "Everything that
can be invented has been invented."
F. It's illegal to pick Trilliums in Ontario, Canada.
U. Lots of places are supposedly either 3rd or 22nd to be bombed in WWIII.
F. Ads for "free pets" are frequently answered by testing labs for specimens.
T. Gerald Ford did have a vice president(who is mentioned elsewhere in the FAQ)
T. Bank policies on ATMs work differently in different areas.
F.*The king of Denmark wore a yellow star in solidarity with Jews in WWII.
T. There were (are?) Japanese soldiers hiding out on isles in Pacific who
believed WWII was still on.
F. The Trilateral Commission is working to take over the world.
F. Ditto for the Council on Foreign Relations.
F. Queen Victoria so loved _Alice in Wonderland_ she requested copies of all
Lewis Carroll's books. Was ticked with copy of _Symbolic Logic_.
F. You can tell if a big op. is happening at US gov't by level of pizza orders.
T. Craig Becker once went nuts and bought a whole shitload of Jack Chick comix.
T. Canadians sure seem to get worked up about this "50-40" business.
T. People can just ramble on about Jehovah's Witnesses & getting rid of 'em.
F. Mary Baker Eddy (Christian Science) was buried w/a phone so she could
her followers from "The Other Side."
U. There may or may not have been an AFU EAST. I need $$ to find out.
T. There are many, many anecdotal stories descrbing why US$2 bills are unlucky.
F. Story involving a page or an elevator operator telling US Rep. Fred "Love
Boat" Grandy "Lido Deck, sir?" or "Promenade Deck, sir?" subsequently being
F. Adolf Hitler intentionally snubbed Jesse Owens by refusing to shake hands
with him in the 1936 Olympics.
T. Hitler didn't shake hands with any athletes after the first day of
competition, and Jesse didn't win anything until the second. Hitler
did, however, snub another black American athlete, Cornelius Johnson.
F. Magnetic strips are embedded in US currency for nefarious purposes.
T. ...See http://www.ustreas.gov/treasury/whatsnew/newcur/newcur2.html
T. ...Of course, this won't make any difference if you REALLY KNOW otherwise.
F. US Navy aircraft carrier engages in radio exchange to tell other party
to move to avoid collision. Other party was a lighthouse!
LEGAL BEAGLES [See also WILD LIFE, STUPID PEOPLE TRICKS, and SNUFF]
T. If you have questions about copyrights, you should really check out
Terry Carroll's copyright FAQ in misc.legal.
F. Guy trims hedges with lawnmower but trims own extremities; sues; wins big!
["The Lawnmower Accident", TMP,"Media Sources and Business Legends" in TCD]
T. Check in various legal databases shows no such case appealed.
Tb.Some people think researching the most trivial legal point is great fun.
F. There are legal limits on how much of your debts you can pay in coins (US)
T. ...Though some Treasury PR flack did imply otherwise for pennies and nickels.
T. ...but there have been legal limits on how much coin a creditor must accept.
T.*...For some strange reason, Canadian law is much clearer on this topic.
T. Woman sued drink co.; she was blinded by bottle cap after opening w/pliers.
F. The US has 70% of world's lawyers.
U. U.S. Supreme Court ruled that "professional wrestling" was entertainment,
T. Gerbils are illegal in California.[CA Reg. Title 14, Sec. 671 (c)(2)(J) 1].
Tb.Gerbils are trained to sniff drugs in Canada. Those Canadians!
F. You must be hit thrice before retaliation can be construed as self-defense.
Fb.Hackers couldn't be convicted because system had "Welcome to X system" msg.
...therefore systems now have legal notices instead.
T. There're lots of bogus stories floating about Europe. See:
WILD LIFE IN THE FAST LANE
F.*As part of initiation, potential gang members drive around with
headlights off at night and will shoot people who flash headlights at them.
T. There seem to be quite a few warnings about fatal gang initiations lately.
[e.g., flashing headlights, clothing, etc.]
T. Not surprisingly, other ULs (e.g., "Killer in the Backseat", ankle tendon
slashers, etc.) have emerged with "gang initiation" motifs.
Fb.Schoolkid beheaded by road sign,due to sticking his head out the bus window.
T.*Oregon Highway Div blows up eight ton dead whale, showers area with blubber.
T.*...See D. Barry's column and an *.avi file on available at cathouse.org.
Fb.Gas (petrol) engines pollute the same as diesel; diesel just smells worse.
Tb.Diesel engines emit more unburnt hydrocarbons than gas ones w/catalytic conv
Ft.Power windows in cars trap kids' limbs, necks. Kill or maim them.
T. A 2 yr-old girl was killed by a power window in a Fiat in the UK in May 1992
F. Stop signs with a white border are optional. (Oh, I don't think so...)
F. Leaving car radio on when the ignition switch is off will drain battery.
[Exc. VWs, etc. where the radio is not switched thru the ignition switch.]
Tb.Airbag in car can give you a chemical burn when it deploys.
U. Driver sets cruise control, wrongly believes it steers too! Crashes...
["'Cruise Control' Stories" in TCD.]
Tb.Tree-lined French avenue triggers epileptic fits by flickering light at 11Hz
F. The VW Beetle was designed by Hitler. [It was designed by F. Porsche.]
T. Hitler did push the idea of the Beetle as a "people's car" though perhaps
solely for propaganda purposes.
Fb.New car rattles -- note found in door frame from factory saboteur...
["The Rattle in the Cadillac" in TCD.Classic UL always involves a luxury car
T. Montana had a token $5 fine for exceeding Federal 55mph limit.
...when it mattered.
T. Mongo-power engine installed in weenie-looking car. Blows off Corvettes.
T. John Somebody-or-other built car called "the Beast" with 27lt Spitfire engine
T. It eventually took off, and self-destructed on the A27 outside Brighton.
T. Special equipment can transmit any reading you want to police radar gun.
T. There are traffic lights with green on top in a few US Irish neighborhoods.
T. You can be guilty of DUI on a bicycle, horse, perambulator, etc most places.
T. Guy in Los Alamos labs fitted a jet engine to Honda Civic, ran on salt flats.
F. Person fitted rocket/JATO unit to car, embedded in rockface at first bend.
...Steve Lubars called the AZ Highway patrol in July 1996 to research a
version he heard and according to Charles DeCarolis at the Department of
Public Safety, "He says he's heard this story many times and has
consequently done some research on it. According to him, no such incident
has ever been described in any Highway Patrol accident or crime scene
reports and said I could quote him on this on the record."
Fb.Man working on roof ropes himself to car on other side;wife drives off.Splat.
T. The "man on roof" appeared on a home video show in UK. Believed to be staged.
F. Hitchhiker disappears, is ghost of person killed years ago in road accident.
...There is also a version involing the angel Gabriel, et al.
["The Vanishing Hitchhiker" in TVH and TMP]
F. Valuable classic car sold for pittance by (1) grieving parents of war dead
F,U(2) spouse of errant husband (3) heirs of person who died and rotted in it.
Fb.(4) sold by widow who would receive either car or proceeds of its sale.
["The Death Car" and "The Philanderer's Porsche" in TVH. "The Bargain
Sports Car" in CBA]
F. Psycho's handhook hanging from the car door, broken off as couple drove away
["The Hook" in TVH]
F. Carthief squashed dead in stolen BMW by collapsing freeway in '89 SF quake
F.*Driving barefoot is illegal. (Nope, but it's dumb to goad cops)
T.*...unless you're operating/riding a motocycle in Alabama.
Tb*...You *might* be ticketed in MI/MD for careless/reckless driving.
T.*...It's not "recommended" by Indiana, Iowa, Missouri, Ohio, or Wyoming.
T. ...It took three years for Jason H. to get his due here but I wanted to
make sure that all the deadbeat states had a chance to get reply and so
I wouldn't have to add the original last line that he suggested.
T. New York car thief stole lab delivery of cadaver heads...
U. Red sports cars generate disproportionate number of speeding tickets.
F. Man crashes into toll booth while receiving fellatio from girlfriend.
T. It's really no big deal that there are towns named "Intercourse" and
"Blue Ball" in Pennsylvania. Post it to misc.misc if you can't resist.
T.*There are some lights w/sensors for emergency vehicles.
F.*Flashing your headlights will cause a traffic light to change faster.
Tb.There're lots folk remedies to plug up old radiators: cigarettes, pepper.
T. Lots of places have weird street names.
T. You can find lots of weird msgs on license plates if you try really hard.
T. "SIGAlerts" in the greater LA area are named for a guy named Loyd Sigmon.
F. Couple's car out of gas; he gets help; she hears noise, then cops arrive;
tell her to leave & not look back; she does, sees him hanging or
decapitated. ["The Boyfriend's Death" in TVH]
F. Guy tries to siphon gas from an RV but instead siphons from the septic tank;
found unconscious by RV next morning.
Tb."Maintenance-Free" batteries were invented for cheaper transport of new cars
F. Police officer pulls over female driver. She asks about tickets to a
policemen's ball, he replies "Policemen don't have balls" and he leaves
flustered (or she is totally embarassed). ["Miscellaneous Sex Legends" TCD]
Fb.Woman gets in her car at night; is followed on the way home; calls for help;
husband accosts the guy; guy was trying to warn woman of thug in backseat of
her car. ["The Killer in the Back Seat", TVH]
Fb.Parking spot taken from older woman by two younger women. They tell her
"Sorry we're younger and faster." Woman reflects, rams their car, and
replies "I'm older and richer". [Several variations on the repartee.]
["Old vs. Young" in TMP and also used in the film "Fried Green Tomatoes".]
F. A motorcyclist at high speed hits a fly which goes to his brain via his eye.
F. An auto worker steals parts of a Caddy bit by bit until he has a whole car.
U. Fancy car has "No Radio" sign. Owner returns to broken windshield and "No
Windshield"/"Get One" or "Just Checking" sign.
Fb.Truck gets stuck at low bridge. Noone knows what to do; a young kid suggests
letting the air out of the tires.
Tb.UK people drive on the left (etc) to allow easy sword access in old days.
F. Someone never gets a ticket because his license plates say "NONE".
T.*...Someone got 2,500 tickets because his license plates say "NOPLATE".
T. ...Cops were told to write "NONE" instead of "NOPLATE" when car has none.
...See comp.risks issue 3.12.
Tb.Freon can be used to break Kryptonite locks.
F. In great desperation, mother lifts car off and rescues trapped child.
F. Woman picks up elderly woman hitchhiker; sees that HH has hairy arms; gets
HH out on pretense;takes off;later finds cleaver/hatchet/knife in seat.
["The Hairy Armed Hitchhiker" in TCD.]
F. Couple w/baby on long trip stops to switch places; place baby on roof; they
forget it up there! Police cruiser pull them over and baby is rescued.
["The Baby on the Roof" in TCD.]
F. Grandma dies on long family trip; they strap body to roof; car is stolen!
["The Runaway Grandmother" in TVH.]
T. "The Club" is lame because a thief could cut through the wheel in no time.
T. You sure gets lots of junk when you ask about US highway numbering schemes.
T. Not many threads are dumber than [non]funny place and street names...
...except for "names in phonebooks."
F.*Rolls-Royce will go to great extremes to fix problems and deny that there
were any problems to protect their image.
F. There are various extremely harsh penalities (e.g., execution) for
drunk driving in other countries (e.g., Turkey, Norway, El Salvador, etc.)
T. ...this story is commonly spread via flyers.
T. Airbags have been stolen from cars.
LEGENDS ABOUT NATATORY CAPABILITIES OF LARGE ANTHROPOID PRIMATES
Tb.Gorillas can't swim.
T. Certain tribes of Japanese macaques sift their grain in the sea.
Fb.Many simians hold regular swimming contests; winners mate w/ choice females.
Tb....Losers go on "The Love Connection."
T. Some monkeys prefer not to swim at all; will drown if dropped in water.
P. Chimpanzee muscles are formed in a way that renders backstroke impossible.
T. "Baywatch" proves that apes share at least 95% of DNA with humans.
ASTOUNDING AVIAN ANOMALIES
F. Birds cannot sing while on the ground.
Tb.Govt forces commercial birdseed to be irradiated to stop hemp seed sprouting
T. Radar emissions can kill birds, sterilize sailors, fry other small mammals.
T. Chickens are easily mesmerized. Whoopee.
F. Sprinkle salt on a bird's tail to catch it by preventing it flying away.
T. If the bird let you get close enough to salt its tail, you could grab it.
F. Seagulls (and other creatures) explode when you feed them Alka-Seltzer,
rice, or "pop-rocks" - dried coconuts?.["The Death of Little Mikey" in TCD].
F. Birds won't sit on their nests if you touch one of their eggs.
F. The resonance frequency of a chicken's skull cavity is ~7 Hz.
Tb.Some birds get drunk by eating partly fermented berries/fruits.
DOGGIE-STYLE and CATTY-WUMPUSS [See also LEWD FOOD]
F. Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals whose urine contain urea.
Tb.Dalmatians and humans are the only mammals who cannot break down
uric acid into its soluble form, "allantoin."
U. Old/ditzy woman puts dog in microwave to dry it out- it dies gruesome
death/lives to bark again. ["The Pet (or Baby) in the Oven" and "Hot Dog"
in TVH. Also "I Read It in the Paper" in TCD.]
T. Cruel people and other weirdos will microwave pets. This is not a surprise.
T. A Baltimore lawyer was busted for microwaving a kitten in January 1992.
F. A Doberman chokes on fingers that it bit off burglar hidden in closet.
["The Choking Doberman" in, surprise! TCD and TMP]
F. Plastic/glass water bottles on lawn prevent dogs urinating in the area.
["Lawn Order in New Zealand (and elsewhere)" in CBA]
F. The scent of wolf dung terrifies dogs, so disposal by zoos is regulated.
T. Radioactive cat litter found in May 1991 in Berkeley, Calif
U. Source of the litter was radioactive cat food? Cat on radiation therapy?
T.*Days-old body in home discovered headless. Was eaten by dog!
T. Cats can carry a parasite (toxoplasmosis) which is esp.dangerous to fetuses.
Tb.Aspirin is very bad for cats (slow removal of salicyates from their bodies).
Tb.Dog gets shock from phone line, urinates, phone rings!
F. Woman's cat dies. She puts it in a shopping bag/box to take it to the
country for burial. On the way, she stops at a store and puts the bag
down. She turns around and bag is shoplifted. ["The Dead Cat in the
Package" in TVH. There's an amusing ending in one of the stories.]
T. Many variations on above with urine samples in bottles and bags of garbage.
F. Cat steals some dinner, turns up dead, guests' stomachs pumped; but cat
had been run over by neighbor and posed, so as not to ruin dinner party.
Tb.In WW2, Russians fed dogs under tanks, then released them in battle with
anti-tank explosives having an antenna-like trigger on their backs.
Tb.Dogs ran under wrong ones, German tanks didn't smell like Russian tanks.
T. Most Russian tanks were diesel, most German ones weren't.
T. German high command counters by spreading rabies rumors, encouraging
soldiers to shoot every dog they see.
T. Some animal shelters have prohibited the adoption of cats during Halloween
to avoid cruelty by "Satanists."
F. Firemen rescue old lady's cat from tree. She invites them for tea. They run
over cat when they leave. ["The Bungled Rescue of the Cat" in CBA]
T. ...it is reported as happening in S. Pile's _The Book of Heroic Failures_.
T. Cats and rabbits do not interbreed, though rabbits will hump anything warm.
OTHER ANIMAL (BUT NON-BUGGY) CRACKERS
U. Every animal has enough brains in its head to preserve its own hide.
F. Dead rabbit next door dug up by dog;washed, put in cage by frantic dogowner.
["The Hare Drier" in CBA.]
F. Killer whales will attack swimming dogs because they stink like hell.
F. Fox frees itself of fleas by gradual immersion, shifting fleas to lintball.
Fb.Driver runs over exotic animal,wraps in coat for fun photo;it revives, runs
off! Similar story: A hunter poses for picture w/deer w/rifle in antlers.
Fb.Farmer asks hunter to shoot mule; other hunter shoots another mule too.
T. Armadillos can contract leprosy.
Tb.Armadillos can spread leprosy to humans.
Tb.Cow-tipping (pushing over a sleeping cow) has happened.
Tb.Cow-tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile city kids.
Tb.Candiru fish, native to S. America, can swim into your urethra.
T. Fainting goats are real. Crimony!
T. Galapagos turtles do moan and groan during copulation.
F. Guinea pigs' eyes fall out if you hold them up by their tails.
T. Guinea pigs actually *do* have small stumpy vestigial tails. Take a look!
Fb.Horse falls thru bottom of moving trailer, legs ground to stumps.
Fb.Otter, newly-released after $50K Valdez clean-up, is eaten by whale.
T. Rats cannot vomit (the basis for many rat poisons).
F.*There are [albino] alligators inhabiting the sewers of New York City. [TVH]
T.*Alligators were once found in the sewers of New York City.
T. There sure seem to be lots of stories about pigeons.
T. Sewer rats can come into the house and bite one's behind while on the potty.
U. Litter from released balloons choke and kill whales, birds, etc.
F. [Domesticated] turkeys are so dumb,they'll drown if they're out in the rain.
Fb.Trapper ties dynamite to coyote, releases; coyote runs under his car/house.
["The Coyote's Revenge" in TCD. Similar ULs with rabbits, raccoons, fish,
etc. exist and are traced back to an old motif involving a cat in TMP]
F. [Wo]man found a rat in [Mexico] and brought it home thinking it was a dog.
["The Mexican Pet" in, surprise! TMP]
F. Baby elephant escapes from circus; sits on VW;front/roof dented;later police
stop owner and ask what happened? ["The Elephant that Sat on a VW" in TCD.]
F. A snake was sewn into a (esp. foreign-made) coat in a store and bites a
customer. ["The Snake in the Banket" in TVC.]
BAIT SHOP [THINK VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE POSTING TO THESE THREADS]
T. The etymology of "POSH."
T. Three-sided records.
T. Most anything to do with "Star Trek."
T. Cow tipping.
T. Anything by that forgettable pulp author, Kurt Vonnegut.
T. Really big insects (snakes too) can get imported along with fruit shipments.
F. Bugs congregate in the pointy ends of bananas, so discard before eating.
F. Dragonflies ("darning needles") can sting you very severely.
T.*Only hymenopterans sting. A large dragonfly may be strong enough to pinch.
F. If a dragonfly or a ladybug lands on you, you will have good luck.
T. "Killer" African bees are swarming into Texas from down South.
T. A lot of people have found live or dead insects in their fast food snacks.
T. Cockroaches love coffee, live in TV's, too often get in your cup or food.
T. Insect lays eggs in open wound; months later baby insects eat their way out.
Variation: Woman gets bitten, after insects out, she dies/has breakdown/
["The Spider Bite" in TMP]
F. Cactus shakes, then explodes with hundreds of scorpions/spiders.
["Spiders in the Yucca" in TMP]
F. Explorer gets bug in ear; bug eats thru to other ear; gave birth on way...
[Various ULs of this type under "A Bug in the Ear" in _CBA_]
F. A woman w/beehive hairdo is so proud of it she doesn't wash her hair; she
dies from bees/spiders in it. [Variations on bug and ethnicity also noted.]
["The Spider in the Hairdo" in TVH]
Fb.Lobsters,dropped in boiling water, scream.(Nah, it's steam from under shell)
Fb.Moth/butterfly scales from wings will poison or blind you.
Fb.There are US state laws making it illegal to kill/capture praying mantises.
T.*The bite of the Brown Recluse spider is nasty.
The Frequently Asked Questions List has been maintained by Terry
Chan since July 1991. Its inception and spirit was due to the
efforts of Peter van der Linden in February 1991.
Copyright (c) 1997, Terry Chan and Peter van der Linden.
All Rights Reserved. Permission for personal, educational or non-
profit use is granted provided this this copyright and notice are
included in its entirety and remains unaltered. All other uses must
receive prior permission in writing from both Terry Chan (at
email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org) and Peter van
der Linden (at email@example.com).
Licensing terms on request.
"Ah, the life of a frog, that's the life for me."