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Subject: alt.sex.spanking Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

This article was archived around: 20 Apr 1997 05:14:01 GMT

All FAQs in Directory: alt-sex
All FAQs posted in: alt.sex.spanking
Source: Usenet Version

Archive-name: alt-sex/spanking-faq Posting-Frequency: bi-weekly (alt.sex.spanking); monthly (*.answers) Last-modified: October 25, 1995 Version: 1.00
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS - Alt.Sex.Spanking Contributors: Dave in S CAL, Debbie Ann, Adrian, Alex, C-Red, Llori, et. al. This document contains explicit sexual information. If you do not wish to view such information, I advise you to skip this document. Permission is granted to copy and redistribute this document electronically provided that it remains complete and unmodified. CD publishers take note: this does not include you. Until the FAQ becomes accepted by the *.answers moderators, the only places to obtain this draft version are the newsgroup alt.sex.spanking (irregularly posted for now) and the a.s.s. Spanking Resource page at <http://www.cris.com/~Redman/spkg>. Comments on this document can be sent to C-Red <Redman@cris.com> or debbie ann <debbie@netcom.com>. Contents of this FAQ ==================== 1. INTRODUCTION TO A.S.S. 1.1 What is alt.sex.spanking all about? 1.2 Why is this newsgroup so friendly? 1.3 Is spanking a form of BDSM? 1.4 What is the difference between spanking and spousal abuse? 1.5 What is the difference between spanking and flagellation? 1.6 Is it possible to meet people through this newsgroup? 1.7 What is alt.personals.spanking? 1.8 Is it appropriate to post personal ads here? 1.9 Might I find certain postings to be offensive or distasteful? 1.10 What is "delurking" and how do I do it? 1.11 What is the roster and why should I submit an entry? 1.12 I'm female. Will I be inundated with unwelcome e-mail solicitations if I delurk or list an entry in the roster? 2. NEWSGROUP ETIQUETTE 2.1 What is appropriate to post here? 2.2 What is inappropriate to post here? 2.3 What are common mistakes made by newcomers? 2.4 Is it appropriate to flame heterocentric language and attitudes? 2.5 Is it appropriate to post real-life experiences or stories involving the spanking of children? 2.6 Is it appropriate to discuss the legitimacy of spanking as a form of discipline for children in real life? 2.7 Is it appropriate to discuss news stories about spanking such as the Michael Faye caning? 2.8 How should stories be titled and introduced? 2.9 Are male/male spanking stories appropriate to post here? 3. COMMONLY USED TERMS AND ABBREVIATIONS 3.1 Keywords Found in Story Subject Lines 3.2 Common Abbreviations on Alt.Sex.Spanking 3.3 Some Useful Definitions 4. SPANKING ORIGINS, FANTASIES, EROTICISM 4.1 I've been fascinated by spanking since I was a child. Am I alone? 4.2 Do my fantasies have to be consistent with my values and ethics? 4.3 Will my interest in spanking escalate into other forms of kinky sex? 5. SPANKING PLAY 5.1 I'd like to reveal my spanking interests to my partner but am afraid of being rebuffed. What should I do? 5.2 I've never been spanked before but would like to be. What should I do? 5.3 I've never given a spanking before but would like to. What should I do? 5.4 I feel silly when I try to play out spankings. How do I make my experiences meet my fantasies? 5.5 What does consensuality mean? 5.6 What is a safeword? 5.7 Is there a consensus here regarding consensuality and safewords? 5.8 My partner or I have a low tolerance for pain. Will we be able to enjoy spankings? 5.9 How can I get my partner to spank me harder? 5.10 How do I minimize the risk of physical injury during spanking play? 5.11 Can any of you 'seasoned veterans' offer suggestions on how bruising can be prevented - or at least minimized? 6. MORE SPANKING ON THE INTERNET 6.1 Other Usenet Groups 6.2 Web Sites 6.3 E-Mail File Servers 6.4 IRC Channels ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. INTRODUCTION TO A.S.S. 1.1 What is alt.sex.spanking all about? Alt.sex.spanking (a.s.s.) is a splinter group from alt.sex.bondage (a.s.b). While the discussions on a.s.b cover the entire breadth of BDSM interests, a.s.s. topics deal with spanking in an erotic context, whether as fantasy or real experiences. In addition, a.s.s. includes discussions on real life discipline between adults, and sightings of spanking scenes in books, t.v., and movies. 1.2 Why is this newsgroup so friendly? The vast majority of people who post are here to talk about spanking rather than to argue. Many feel that a.s.s. has the highest signal-to-noise ratio of any of the alt.sex newsgroups. People whose only contributions are flames are not well received here. 1.3 Is spanking a form of BDSM? Whether one considers spanking as a sub-set of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sado-masochism) is a matter of personal preference. Some people relate only to spanking, while some relate to the broader spectrum of BDSM. 1.4 What is the difference between spanking and spousal abuse? At a minimum, the difference would be whether there was consent of the person receiving the spanking. If it is an erotic spanking, the receiver has the right to getting some kind of pleasure of it. If it is for real life discipline, there has to be a clear understanding of the conditions of that framework, and the consent of the receiver to those conditions. See Section 5 of this FAQ for more detailed discussions of consensuality. 1.5 What is the difference between spanking and flagellation? Spanking is a subset of flagellation. The spankings of interest to a.s.s. are reminiscent of childhood spankings that were administered at home and school and that were applied primarily to the buttocks. This includes spankings with hands, paddles, belts, straps, hairbrushes, switches, and canes. 1.6 Is it possible to meet people through this newsgroup? Yes. By becoming a positive participant of a.s.s., others may become interested in meeting you. While there appears to be a higher than normal ratio of females to males for alt.sex newsgroups, males still far outnumber females so women will find it easier to meet men, and men will find it easier to meet men. 1.7 What is alt.personals.spanking? Alt.personals.spanking is the appropriate newsgroup to post personal ads seeking spanking partners. 1.8 Is it appropriate to post personal ads here? No. Post personal ads to alt.personals.spanking. 1.9 Might I find certain postings to be offensive or distasteful? Yes. You should assume that there will always be some articles that do not conform to your tastes or sensibilities. If a significant portion of the articles offend you then this newsgroup is probably not for you. If you believe certain things should be censored then YOU take responsibility and censor what YOU read. 1.10 What is "delurking" and how do I do it? To "lurk" is to read a newsgroup without posting. To "delurk" is to begin posting to a newsgroup, usually with an introduction. Your introductory post is a good time to tell people about yourself and your particular tastes in spanking. Good information to include in a delurk post includes but is not limited to childhood spanking experiences, sexual spanking experiences, the kinds of articles you like to see posted to alt.sex.spanking, your particular spanking tastes, etc. Of course, you are free to post anything you like but negative criticism right out the gate will not endear you to the other participants. Many are content to read the posts of others; however, those who participate by posting are able to realize the full potential of what this newsgroup has to offer. 1.11 What is the roster and why should I submit an entry? The A.S.S. Roster is similar to a club roster. It is a compilation of brief spanking biographies of some of the participants of this newsgroup. It is updated and posted every month or two. The roster is currently maintained by Bonnie (BoneB@aol.com). To submit an entry, fill out a "roster template" and e-mail to BoneB@aol.com. The roster template is posted with each updated roster. More detailed instructions are included with the template and the roster. There are several reasons why you may want to list your entry in the roster. The roster serves as an extended delurk so that others who come along later may become familiar with you even though your initial delurk is gone. You may wish to include geographical information so that others in your area may contact you. 1.12 I'm female. Will I be inundated with unwelcome e-mail solicitations if I delurk or list an entry in the roster? As is the case with all the alt.sex newsgroups, females generally get more attention than males. Some of this attention comes in the form of e-mail and there is always the risk that you may find a particular message to be offensive; however, the female participants of alt.sex.spanking have reported that, for the most part, the e-mail they've received is polite. Again, alt.sex.spanking is a cut above most other alt.sex newsgroups. If, for whatever reason, you absolutely, positively cannot receive spanking-related e-mail then DO NOT post to alt.sex.spanking. To post with the admonition not to respond is to place an unrealistic amount of faith in the willingness of hundreds of thousands of anonymous people to respect your wishes. ------------------------------ 2. NEWSGROUP ETIQUETTE 2.1 What is appropriate to post here? Just about any text that relates to erotic spanking -- fiction, real-life anecdotes, childhood memories, questions, advice, scene information, etc. 2.2 What is inappropriate to post here? non-text material is never appropriate. Please post spanking pictures to alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage (a.b.p.e.b.), or preferably to alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.spanking (a.b.p.e.s.), although it is still not widely available). You can then include a short post in a.s.s to point to the a.b.p.e.b post (ideally giving the message-id of the latter). Personal ads, material that is not primarily spanking-oriented, discussions relating to spanking as a legitimate form of discipline for children, and gratuitous flames. Ads should be posted to alt.personals.spanking, general BDSM material should be posted to a.s.b., and discussions regarding the value of spanking as a legitimate form of discipline for children should be posted to alt.parenting.solutions, alt.parenting.spanking, alt.parents-teens, or misc.kids. 2.3 What are common mistakes made by newcomers? Posting personal ads. Posting spanking binaries outside of a.b.p.e.b. or a.b.p.e.s. Discussing personal grudges in public posts rather than through e-mail. Attempting to brand as inappropriate that which is, in fact, appropriate. Flaming and whining. 2.4 Is it appropriate to flame heterocentric language and attitudes? Many heterosexuals read and post to a.s.s. and are to be extended the same level of courtesy and tolerance by gays that gays demand of hets. Do not flame hets for failing to purge their language of heterocentric references or for failing to acknowledge the validity of the queer lifestyle. This is a forum for the discussion of erotic spanking, not political correctness. 2.5 Is it appropriate to post real-life experiences or stories involving the spanking of children? Yes. Many of us either experienced or witnessed spankings as a child and the recountings of these experiences are appropriate to post here. Furthermore, many spanking stories involve children being spanked and these are appropriate to post. This is a sensitive area and it requires the ability to distinguish between what one fantasizes about and what one acts upon. Blatant descriptions of sexuality involving children are offensive to many here (and to the society at large) and are to be approached with caution. There does not seem to be a clear consensus on where the line is drawn but suffice to say the emphasis should be on spanking rather than other forms of sexuality. 2.6 Is it appropriate to discuss the legitimacy of spanking as a form of discipline for children in real life? No. This is best left to alt.parenting.solutions, alt.parenting.spanking, alt.parents-teens, or misc.kids. Again, this is a sensitive area because a.s.s. is a forum for the discussion of erotic spanking. 2.7 Is it appropriate to discuss news stories about spanking such as the Michael Faye caning? Yes. These are appropriate to post and discuss here because many of us find real-life experiences to be erotic. Again, we try to avoid having the discussion degrade into an argument about the legitimacy of corporal punishment. 2.8 How should stories be titled and introduced? Because tastes vary, it is customary to use descriptive titles when posting a story. For example, if a story named "School Days" involves the paddling of an 8-year-old boy by a female teacher, an appropriate title might be "School Days (child spanking, F/m)". It is also common for authors to list potentially controversial elements in an introduction as a warning (or enticement). Sensitive areas include nonconsensuality, same-sex spanking, childhood spanking, explicit sexuality, and elements of general BDSM. See the Abbreviation Section of this FAQ for a detailed list of commonly used story keywords. 2.9 Are male/male spanking stories appropriate to post here? Yes, male/male stories are appropriate to post here. If you don't like them, don't read them. Do not flame people because they post male/male spanking stories. Do not flame people because they are gay or bisexual. ------------------------------ 3. COMMONLY USED TERMS AND ABBREVIATIONS 3.1 Keywords Found in Story Subject Lines Note: The terms listed below are by no means required to post a story. They are simply guidelines to help both those who are looking for a particular type of story and those who are turned off by certain activities. Putting keywords in the subject line will give readers an idea of the story content without having to download the entire post. It is not necessary to choose words from each category below, only the ones you feel are important for the readers to know. Participants ------------ x/y x spanks y, where x and y are: F adult female f young female M adult male m young male e.g. F/m adult female spanks young male M/Ff adult male spanks an adult female and a young female MF/fm A boy and girl are spanked by two adults Note: if two people switch roles, use 'F/M,M/F', not 'FM/MF' which implies there are four people in the scene Methods ------- otk over-the-knee hand : paddle : cane use of instrument strap : etc. : Scene types ----------- school teacher spanks student scene relig. spare the rod... office discipline at work public with spectators Other Descriptive Terms ---------------------- anal anal penetration bond bondage (physical restraint) cons consensual edgy heavy b&d (drawing blood, breast/genital torture, etc.) heavy a "heavy" spanking humor joke posts or amusing stories incest incestuous relationships nc, non-con non-consensual situations oral mouth-to-genital contact sex penetration teen Involving a teenager 3.2 Common Abbreviations on Alt.Sex.Spanking a.b.p.e.b. Alt.Binaries.Pictures.Erotica.Bondage - one appropriate group to post or download spanking pictures a.b.p.e.s Alt.Binaries.Pictures.Erotica.Spanking - a more appropriate newsgroup for spanking pictures, but not available on some servers AFAIK As Far As I Know a.s.b. alt.sex.bondage a.s.s. alt.sex.spanking BTW By The Way CHUDWAH Clueless Heterosexual Dom WAnnabe FAQ Frequently Asked Question(s) FWIW For What It's Worth FYI For Your Information GIF/JPEG Compression formats for digital pictures. HNG Horny Net Geek IMHO In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO In My Not-So-Humble Opinion IMX In My Experience IRC Internet Relay Chat LOL Laughing Out Loud MMF Make Money Fast, the Usenet's infamous chain-letter MOTAS/OS/SS Member of the Appropriate Sex/ Opposite Sex/ Same sex OTOH On The Other Hand PISS Passive Ignorance Silence Strike RL Real Life ROTFL(MAO) Rolling On The Floor Laughing (My Ass Off) RTFM Read the F***ing Manual SO Significant Other WIITWD What it is that We Do WTH What The Heck/Hell WRT With Respect To YKINOK Your Kink is not OK YKIOKIJNMK Your Kink is OK, It's Just not My Kink YMMV Your Milage may Vary 24/7 24 hours, 7 days/week, full time <g> grin <bg>, <G> big grin <eg> evil grin <veg> very evil grin 3.3 Some Useful Definitions Sie Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "She or He" Hir Gender-neutral pronoun equivalent to "Him or Her" or possessive pronoun equivalent to "His or Her" Lurker Someone who reads a group, but doesn't post Squick To disgust someone with an activity past the limit of his/her tolerance; e.g., "Watching that hard caning squicked me!" Flame A vitriolic attack in response to a post, generally on a personal level. Killfile A file used by some newsreaders containing a list of subjects, names, or keywords to be deleted from the unread article list before it is displayed. If you are 'plonked' by someone, you have been added to their killfile. Flamebait An offensive article designed to incite a large number of responses, thus drowning out more relevant discussions. If a flamebait is cross-posted, each response will be cross-posted to every group unless the newsgroup line is edited (Cf. Jello). A subject line in all caps is a good indication of a flamebait. Troll See Flamebait. The term either comes from 'trawl' (to drag a big net to catch large numbers of unwary fish) or from the legendary creature that waits under a bridge for an unsuspecting goat to cross. Spam An article (almost always an ad or personal) posted to a large number of groups which is clearly irrelevant to the group. Technically, a spam is posted one group at a time, while a Velveeta/Jello is cross-posted. Velveeta An inappropriate article that is massively cross-posted to other groups either to save on typing for the poster, or to avoid detection by automated Spam-seeking Bot programs. Jello A flamebait posted as a Spam/Velveeta, designed to incapacitate the affected groups. The alt.sex.* hierarchy is a favorite target for Jello posts. ------------------------------ 4. SPANKING ORIGINS, FANTASIES, EROTICISM 4.1 I've been fascinated by spanking since I was a child. Am I alone? No. Just the traffic on this newsgroup is indicative of a widespread interest in spanking. Vendors of spanking erotica have customer bases of thousands. Double entendre's about spanking abound on sitcoms. Bondage parlors around the world have always done a brisk business in spankings. You have plenty of company. 4.2 Do my fantasies have to be consistent with my values and ethics? No. Just as it is possible to have a rape fantasy without condoning rape, it is possible to fantasize about spanking without condoning physical abuse. Many of us feel that our actions must be consistent with our values and that by playing spanking games that are safe and consensual, we remain within our ethical bounds. 4.3 Will my interest in spanking escalate into other forms of kinky sex? Maybe, maybe not. If you already relate to other forms of BDSM or kinkiness, then exploring spanking may allow you to feel comfortable with further explorations. However, there are many people who relate to spanking only and play with it their entire lives without a desire to "diversify". ------------------------------ 5. SPANKING PLAY 5.1 I'd like to reveal my spanking interests to my partner but am afraid of being rebuffed. What should I do? There are actually multiple answers to this question, depending on the source of your nervousness. First, keep in mind that if spanking is a sexual turn on for you, it should be treated as any other sexual turn on should be treated in your relationship. If it's 'too early' for you to be talking about sex at all, it's probably too early for you to be talking about spanking. However, assuming you're already talking about sex, what special things should you do to talk about spanking as a part of sexplay? First, you should try to be relaxed over your desires. If you seem too nervous, your partner might pick up on your nervousness, and react badly to it. Keep in mind that playful swats are exchanged in many 'normal' relationships; what you're asking about is just more of this 'normal' playfulness that couples engage in. Also keep in mind that every step of your play will be consensual, so no one will be forced into something s/he dislikes. Because of these two items, you have no reason to feel bad about asking for spanking play, in particular. There is some reason to be nervous that your partner will refuse to engage in spanking play at all; that's a danger of asking for any form of sexual expression. While it can be painful to find that you can not engage in your favorite fantasies with someone you love, it is nevertheless one of the risks of any relationship and any fantasy. But what if you've approached everything well, and your partner still reacts badly? Well, try to figure out why you got a bad reaction. Your partner or someone close to your partner may have been spanked or beaten as a child, and talk about spanking might open those bad memories back up. In this case, make sure your partner realizes that you were talking about playful spankings, not real ones, and then try to let the subject drop for the time being unless your partner wants to discuss it further. It's also possible that your partner doesn't have severe emotional problems with spankings, but simply considers spankings as sexplay 'weird' or 'sick'. In this case, you have to decide if the relationship is worth continuing. A warning: while people are often irrational about what is 'proper' sexplay, that irrationality should not splash back onto you! If your partner decides that spanking is not good sexplay, that's one thing; if your partner considers YOU to be 'sick' for wanting to engage in spanking play, there's something seriously wrong with your relationship. Partners should not consider each other's desires to be sick, even if they don't want to engage in them personally. 5.2 I've never been spanked before but would like to be. What should I do? If you're adverse to asking for a spanking, you can try being teasing and 'naughty' and hinting that you deserve one; however, unless your partner is already into spanking, and unless you are looking for fairly mild, playful spankings, you'll probably have to talk to your partner sooner or later about your desires. In some senses, it is easier to be a spankee than a spanker. You don't have to worry about your partner thinking that you want to hurt him or her. However, asking for a spanking comes with it's own set of dangers. The biggest thing you want to be careful about is pressuring your partner. Unless your partner is already into spanking, it's very likely that s/he has no idea what your looking for, and thus, has no idea what you want. This can be very nerve wracking! It is not easy to do something that you know is hurtful to someone you care for. Be patient. Keep in mind that your partner can't read your mind, and thus can't feel the pleasure that comes with the pain of a spanking. Keep in mind also that your partner doesn't know what effect s/he is having on your bottom; try to help teach your partner what you like without being discouraging. Most importantly, give your partner time to get used to each new 'level' of spanking. Do not try to push your partner too fast; that's a sure recipe for making your partner frightened, or making your partner feel inadequate. Try to react to spanking that you enjoy so that it's clear that your partner made you happy; this helps a spanker get over the nervousness of 'hurting' you. Also, try to reward your partner for spanking you; this is not only a good relationship builder, it's also a good way to help your partner get turned on by spanking you. Most importantly, don't be afraid to guide your partner; you may feel silly laying over your partner's lap and saying "okay, try just a bit harder this time", but the long term benefits are worth it. . . both in getting better spankings, and in improving communication. 5.3 I've never given a spanking before but would like to. What should I do? In some ways, this is easier than wanting to be spanked, because you can take a more active role. However, unless your partner is already into receiving spankings, or unless your desires are satisfied by giving fairly mild spankings, you'll probably want to talk to your partner about your desires sooner or later. First, be clear about your desires. If you can't get turned on except by fairly severe spankings, you may well end up having to find someone who is already into being spanked. While most people can end up dealing with mild spankings, severe spanking is definitely not a taste that you can or should expect someone to acquire. If you can be satisfied with playful, relatively mild spankings, however, there are still some issues to keep in mind. First, before even thinking about pain, think about the emotional aspects. Never spank someone for a 'real' fault or mistake unless your relationship already has that aspect to it. Never suggest that your partner is submissive in any way, shape, or form, other than in taking a spanking, unless your relationship already has that aspect to it. Most importantly, learn and respect your partner's preferences in dealing with a spanking; you're already asking to do something 'harmful' to your partner; don't push your partner into bad emotional states at the same time! Next, start slowly. The best 'first swat' is one that is given over full clothing as a teasing or playful gesture. This lets you measure your partner's emotional reaction to spanking, and lets you decide if you want to press the issue. Be careful on those first few swats! A single spank that hits too hard might give your partner the idea that you're into 'pain', not 'spanking'. If your partner reacts well to these initial swats, you might want to see how far you can go. If you do so, however, be extremely careful! Yes, it can be a bit embarrassing to admit that you would like to take your partner over your knee and administer a good spanking; it can be a lot worse to have to apologize for having hurt your partner, either physically or emotionally. In any case, patience is an absolute necessity. If your partner isn't 'naturally' into spanking, you have to make sure that every spanking you administer is a pleasant experience. Since the spanking itself my not be pleasant, make sure that your partner always gets something pleasant out of the experience. This helps link your playful spankings to pleasure for your partner, and will actually help your partner enjoy more and even harder spankings. Work slowly, not just physically, but psychologically. If your partner ends up enjoying light spanks over underpants, do not assume that your partner will like the same 'physical level' of spanks on the bare bottom! There is little physical difference, but the psychological difference is immense. When working on an uncertain person, spank fairly gently, and mix your hard spanks with softer ones, and with lots of rubbing and caresses. Even a person who doesn't specifically like spankings might learn to enjoy a few hard swats to bring about a sting, followed by kisses and caresses for contrast. Finally, and most importantly, let your partner be your guide. Learn to read your partner for signs that say when you're spanking too hard. Also learn to read your partner for when you've actually gotten to the 'right' level of spanking! While your spankings may simply be something your partner 'puts up with' for the pleasure of being your lover, it's even better if you both end up enjoying the spankings. 5.4 I feel silly when I try to play out spankings. How do I make my experiences meet my fantasies? One thing that you have to keep in mind is that your fantasies are 'perfect images' while your experiences are not. In your mind, no one ever spanks too hard, too light, too fast, or too slow. That's one reason for your first experiences not working out. The majority of other issues deal with the imagery and energy of the scene. First, if you don't enjoy role play, and there's role playing involved in your first spankings, you're being distracted from the 'main event'. . . similarly, if you love role play, but aren't getting any, you're not getting any 'foreplay', as it were, before the main event. Negotiation regarding the level and type of role play with your partner will help a lot. However, what if the level and type of role play seems to be working and you still. . . well, feel silly getting into these roles? It does take practice. There's a certain kind of 'magic' woven through roleplaying, and the 'spell' is best served through completely letting yourself go into the role. The "scolding parent" will have a harder time keeping a straight face if the "repentant teen" can't. . . but if the teen looks nervous and embarrassed and guilty, the parent will have a much easier time staying in character, which will make the scene seem more real and more enjoyable for everyone. It might well feel silly at first; it does quickly get easier over time. 5.5 What does consensuality mean? In general, consensuality means that both parties (the spanker and the spankee) wish to engage in spanking play with each other and both are able to stop the play at any time for any reason. Consensuality is more difficult to define for spanking than for other types of erotic play. For some, getting punished against one's will for a misdeed is a powerful fantasy. To play out this fantasy thus requires some degree of nonconsent. However, at some point before the activity there should have been some sort of understanding of what the conditions or boundaries would be. A pleasurable (even if painful) experience for both participants should be the ultimate goal of an erotic spanking session. 5.6 What is a safeword? A safeword is a word that a spankee may use to stop spanking play immediately. A safeword serves two purposes. It functions as a safety valve to prevent the prolonged violation of limits. And, it allows the spankee to engage in mock protests without confusing the spanker. Common safewords are "red", "mercy", "uncle", and believe it or not "aardvark" (it must be a west-coast thing). Some people also use cautionary words such as "yellow" to signal that the play is getting close to the limits and should be softened but not stopped. Safewords seem to be more widely used in the general SM scene than in the spanking scene; however, it is considered wise practice especially when playing with someone for the first time. There are some pitfalls to watch for, however. First of all, the use of a safeword does not relieve the spanker of their responsibility to read and respond to non-verbal cues. Safewords can give a false sense of security to both parties which is dangerous if other forms of communication are ignored. Also, it is considered bad form to intentionally force someone to use their safeword. 5.7 Is there a consensus here regarding consensuality and safewords? Yes and no. It is a commonly held view here that spanking play should be consensual; however, a number of tedious, circular discussions have occurred regarding the right of a submissive to relinquish consensuality (but isn't that still consensual?) or the necessity of an explicit safeword (otherwise you don't have true consensuality). This issue stirs extremely strong emotions for no apparent reason. The consensus here is that it is not always necessary to use a safeword to achieve consensuality. 5.8 My partner or I have a low tolerance for pain. Will we be able to enjoy spankings? It depends. It is possible to work around a low pain tolerance with a good deal of patience and role play. . . but it won't work at all if one of the partners simply doesn't enjoy the gentler spankings required. Try spankings over full clothing; good fitting blue jeans are a prime choice because they shape the bottom but provide a great deal of protection against sting. Even underpants will provide a lot of protection from sting as long as you're not really trying to hurt your partner. Also, experiment with implements; there are a wide variety of implements that provide a lovely 'smacking' sound with very little effect, especially through underpants. Light, thin wood paddles, or thin leather wielded somewhat gently work well for this. Some cloth belts also make a good 'show', but don't tend to snap quite as well. Also, some of the implements you'll find in adult toystores are made for exactly this purpose: making a heck of a show, with little actual effect. Finally, start very slowly; a slowly built up spanking will cause less pain, and will also help build up a person's resistance to spankings. People DO gain 'tougher butts' over time! 5.9 How can I get my partner to spank me harder? If your partner actively enjoys spanking you already, you can probably just provide some gentle encouragement; however, if your partner is not a 'natural spanker', your partner could very well be terrified of 'really' hurting you. This is an extremely hard thing to get over. Also, your partner may be 'freaked out' by seeing you enjoy yourself from something that's so obviously 'painful'. That is why the first step is to avoid pressure. Your partner has some real, honest to goodness issues to deal with. One thing that will help is trust. Make sure your partner knows that you *WILL* call a halt if it hurts too much. At the same time, joke about how tough your butt really is, and how much it takes to 'really' hurt. If you can do it without embarrassment, a demonstration of your 'prowess' might help. When your partner sees you smack yourself, hard, and sees that you really didn't react badly, s/he might get over any timidity. (BTW, when doing such a demonstration, make sure your partner can see your face; a 'traditional' spanking leaves your face hidden, so your partner can't see if you're smiling blissfully or fighting back tears.) It might help to make a kind of game out if it, too. Bet something your partner likes against spanks for you, then coach your partner during your reward spanks. It also helps, as always, if you can give feedback for every step forward. If every harder spank gets a "Oh, MUCH better!", the spanks will get harder and harder! Also, don't be afraid to stop a good spanking in the middle for a long kiss of appreciation; again, you might be sacrificing a prime spanking now, but you'll be setting up better ones to come! A final word of warning: DO NOT mock or tease your partner for not spanking hard enough; this may feel like you're insulting your partner's dislike of 'really' hurting you, and can lead to badly hurt feelings. NEVER FORGET that a reluctance to spank hard is grounded in some beautiful, caring feelings. You want your partner to see why those feelings don't apply to your bottom; you don't want to get rid of them altogether! 5.10 How do I minimize the risk of physical injury during spanking play? It is the responsibility of both parties to play safely. Just as the spanker is responsible for respecting limits, the spankee is responsible for communicating limits. While the spankee may be playing a submissive role in the scene, he or she still has a real- life responsibility to assure safe play. A common mistake of beginning spankers is to play at too fast a pace which may not allow the spankee enough time to warm up or communicate a problem. At least at first, spankers should take a slow, deliberate pace. The spanker should avoid spanking near or above the tail-bone. The swats should be focused on the fleshy portions of the cheeks. Extra caution should be taken when using instruments because of the increased sensation they can administer and because they can cause actual physical harm if misused. Heavy wooden paddles probably require the most caution, especially when the spankee is bent well over. Assuming you have a trustworthy partner, you can minimize your risk of physical harm by playing within your limits. 5.11 Can any of you 'seasoned veterans' offer suggestions on how bruising can be prevented - or at least minimized? Toys that are heavy in relationship to their breadth bruise more. Those that are lightweight sting more. Try paddles made of lightweight plastic or wood to minimize bruising. Wooden spoons, ping-pong paddles, and spatulas are also good to try. Just because an implement is lightweight doesn't mean it can't really hurt! Speeding up the rate between swats greatly affects the sensation. Varying the number of fast repetitions, rather than the force, offers another degree of control for the spanker. Try to relax during play. Tension seems to accentuate bruising. Long, gradual warmups help too. If you want to avoid bruising apply cold to your bottom before and after a spanking. Keep your skin in good moist condition by using lotion. Dry skin will crack easier. You may want to consider a vitamin C supplement of 500mg three times a day. Vitamin C helps build collagen tissue around blood vessels in the skin. This will help the vessel resist rupture. Some people have had good results healing bruises by using arnica (either topical or oral, available in health food stores) and bruise plasters (available in Asian herbal pharmacies). People on anticoagulant medication (heparin, aspirin, warfarin-coumadin) for problems with clotting should avoid playing hard. Drugs that fall under the category of anti-inflammatory, antidepressants or asthma medications also may inhibit clotting under the skin. These drugs tend to make bruises larger. Treating a bruise A bruise is actually internal bleeding. You want to apply ice so that the blood vessels shut down. Do this in 15 minute intervals. Don't apply heat to the skin. Let it warm up naturally. After 24 hours you want to open up the blood vessels to the area so that the blood that has pooled under your skin can be carried away. To do this you apply heat. This same rule should be applied for sore muscles. Always use cold for the first 24 hours and then heat. ------------------------------ 6. MORE SPANKING ON THE INTERNET 6.1 OTHER USENET GROUPS ----------------------- (*Not carried by many servers) Spanking as a legitimate form of discipline for children alt.parenting.solutions *alt.parenting.spanking alt.parents-teens misc.kids Erotic spanking alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage *alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.spanking alt.personals.spanking *alt.personals.spanking.punishment alt.sex.bondage alt.spank.jennifer.capriati alt.spank.tonya.harding 6.2 WEB SITES ------------- - Tim's OTK Page <http://www.eskimo.com/~twl/otk.html> "It's a fact that throughout history, spanking has been a common practice as atonement for sins, or just plain naughty behavior for that matter. Many of you practice it, and many more just fantasize about it. No matter your interest in the subject, you have found a home." - Witness's Home Page <http://www.eskimo.com/~twl/witness/witness.html> Spanking stories intermingled with quality spanking pictures - The IRC #Spanking Page <http://www.msilink.com/~kent/spanker.html> Bio and pictures of some #spanking regulars, links to adult pages, and features the "ACTION SHOT of the WEEK" - The C-Red Spanking Resource <http://www.cris.com/~Redman/spkg> A source for information relevant to a.s.s., and for others seeking information. Occasionally features an on-line survey or the results of one. This site also contains the most recent version of this FAQ, and up-to-date links to other sites of interest. - The Society for Human Sexuality at University of Washington <http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/> A superb library of files concerning all aspects of sex. (From the Constitution) "It shall be the purpose of this organization to support the understanding and expression of human sexuality. We will promote education about and acceptance of all sexual orientations, as well as all consensual and safe sexual practices." - The Wildfire Club <http://www.zynet.net/elektra/wildfire> 'The Wildfire Club is a WWW site specialising in female discipline, including photographs and reports of female discipline and our own discussion forum to which you are welcome to contribute. 'The special feature of this forum is that it deals with real discipline in a serious manner; bad language, overt sexuality and crude behaviour in general are excluded. 'The Wildfire Club is also the world's finest source of authentic school-type disciplinary implements, including English school canes and Scottish school straps, made exactly as they always have been. 'We publish a small selection of high-quality female disciplinary literature in handsome hardback editions. You can read extracts at the site. - Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys <http://www.catalog.com/utopian/www/whips.html> Adam and Gillian have been providing whips and toys for the BDSM community since 1987, through in-person sales and by mail-order. Currently, there is a text-only catalog available, as well as a graphic catalog application available for those with access to a machine running Windows 3.0+. An on-line web-based catalog of our goods is currently under development, and your patience is appreciated. - Santa Barbara Paddle Company <http://www.rain.org/~bross/sbpc.html> "... is the nation's largest mail-order paddle supplier. Simply put, our paddles are the finest available. We supply paddles to fraternities and other organizations and individuals all over the United States, Canada and t he world. Now you can buy hot paddling videos from us too!! You can order from us with complete confidence and confidentiality. All products are shipped with privacy in mind and our mailing list is never released to anyone." 6.3 E-MAIL FILE SERVERS ------------------------ The Louvre ---------- Subject: The Louvre BACK online! Date: 13 Sep 1995 21:07:07 GMT From: dhuberma@copper.ucs.indiana.edu (Louvre Admin) THE LOUVRE IS NOW BACK ONLINE. to use it, send email to louvre@dido.fa.indiana.edu with the subject line header of HELP. -- Dave-id Huberman |||| "Candy is Dandy, Senior, Telecommunications |||| but Indiana University, Bloomington |||| Sex won't rot your teeth!" DHUBERMA@indiana.edu |||| -Willy Wonka... sort of 6.4 IRC CHANNELS ---------------- #spanking --------- From: twl@eskimo.com (Tim L.) Subject: Visit us on IRC. Date: Wed, 26 Jul 1995 21:50:59 GMT A little reminder for anyone interested, drop by the IRC channel #spanking on the undernet, we're a tight friendly bunch that always welcomes new Spankophiles. For further directions, try my home page. It has a small tutorial on getting there. OH, bonus, we don't have flame wars there. :) Isn't that nice. -Tim -- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- aka MrTim http://www.eskimo.com/~twl/otk.html (old page, new one under construction) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- #xarcon ------- From: darla46@aol.com (Darla 46) Subject: PARTY REMINDER FOR UNDERNETTERS Date: 30 Jul 1995 23:51:40 -0400 ****** IRC PARTY ******** All A.S.S. lurkers and lurkees are cordially invited to a magnificent evening of fun, frolic and other nifty things that begin with "f" as well as other letters of the alphabet. Time: Monday 10:00 PM (22:00 hrs) Eastern Time (7PM Pacific, 8PM Mountain, 9PM Central) Place: IRC (Undernet)* Channel #xarcon (or #xarkon, depending upon who gets there first) An IRC channel resembles an aol chat room except that there aren't any fire marshall's regulations concerning how many can be in the room. For those who don't know very much about IRC, don't worry -- nearly all of us are newbies at this, and nobody will scorn you for your lack of expertise. To get clued in about how IRC works, you should download and read the FAQ file from the newsgroup alt.irc. The one thing to keep in mind is that truly _private_ chatting can only be achieved in a mode called DCC-chat, so if security is of concern to you, learn how to use that facility before the party. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *NOTE: In order to get onto the undernet, you should be using one of the following servers: albany.ny.us.undernet.org New York austin.tx.us.undernet.org Texas boston.ma.us.undernet.org Massachusetts davis.ca.us.undernet.org California manhattan.ks.us.undernet.org Kansas milwaukee.wi.us.undernet.org Wisconsin norman.ok.us.undernet.org Oklahoma pasadena.ca.us.undernet.org California rochester.mi.us.undernet.org Michigan sanjose.ca.us.undernet.org California stgeorge.ut.us.undernet.org Utah tampa.fl.us.undernet.org Florida washington.dc.us.undernet.org Virginia ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The authors would like to thank the readers of a.s.s. for all of their constructive comments and suggestions during the compilation of this FAQ. Further comments on theis document can be sent to: Redman@cris.com (C-Red) or debbie@netcom.com (debbie ann) --